Where has the time gone?

I spent a lot of last year doing the following: reflecting, stressing, angry, happy, isolated, temperamental, introspective, to name a few. I’m sure there were many people in the same boat. It was a weird year.

COVID hysteria had taken the world and the theories and conspiracies surrounding it hadn’t helped the situation. Sides were being lied to, people manipulated, lines drawn. It was saddening to say the least.

But, last year there was one thing that I did not do. The one thing that I really enjoy doing but never “made the time” to do it, and that’s write. You can probably tell a few sentences in that I’m not a great writer but I enjoy putting pen to the paper (or fingers to the keyboard as it is) and get my thoughts and feelings out.

I haven’t taken advantage of this outlet and I hate it. With this post, I really don’t have much to say other than I’m trying to flex this muscle a bit and get back in the swing of things. That’s my life I guess. Persistence waivers like the changing of the seasons.

There was a good bulk of last year spent questioning my reality and if I was truly doing what I felt like I was supposed to be. The problem: I sure as hell don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I have come to one conclusion though that I’ve shared with many people over the years. If there’s one thing that I would truly enjoy doing, it’s nothing.

That’s right, nothing. No plans, no where to go, or rather just really do what I wanted when I wanted to. I think that’s truly the idea…Freedom. Freedom from answering to people, freedom from time constraints, freedom of choice.

Then I got to thinking, what kind of fucked up world am I living in that I don’t realize that we already have that option? We have the freedom to make these decisions, but we chain ourselves into them with jobs, marriages, mortgages, kids, opinions etc.

So my response? I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I know my first steps are minimizing my exposure to things. I have my hands in way too much stuff with 3 businesses, a marriage, 2 kids, a house, debt, and seemingly no time ever left in the day, aka. the “American Dream”. Give me a break.

Step 1: sell CBD shop. Task complete.

Step 2: minimize forward facing position in the job and business I have owned for the last 12 years. Status, in process.

Step 3: Pay down extraneous debt to zero. Status, in process.

Step 4: Enjoy some good wine along the way.

Rambling I know, but isn’t that the point of these blogs? It feels good to just ramble sometimes. Open up to nothing. Write down some goals that have meaning to myself. Have something to look back on in time and see what the hell I was thinking or feeling.

Time is a blur these days, and it will be a wash when it’s all said and done. Take notes, laugh, cry, and hug more. Hug more than ever.

I miss hugs.